The myth of closure

I have been watching episodes of "Clean House", "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares," and "How Clean is Your House?" constantly. They all offer a fantasy -- that all problems can be resolved in 60 minutes or less. All work the same way: we meet the people in need of rescue; the rescue begins; the rescue runs into problems; the problems are resolved; everyone is happy. Would that life were so simple.

I have finally bought a used treadmill -- that's at least a start down the road to happy resolution. But where is Gordon Ramsay when I need him? That man would whip me into shape posthaste.

I have been quite sick for two days, with a 102 deg fever, body aches, and terrible dizziness. I asked my ex to keep the boys an extra night. He said no, because he has plans: he's celebrating his birthday with 12 of his friends. When we were together, he never had 12 friends! Now he is having a big birthday bash.

This comes on the heels of a posh vacation for him and the boys. I felt abandoned, which I was. They all went off and had fun. I was stuck here alone. This is the kind of vacation that I always looked forward to taking as a family. Now, it will never happen. I am jealous of all the nice things he can give them that I can't afford.